What Makes a Good Friend? Lessons From Scripture and Christian Psychology

There are many examples throughout Scripture that highlight the importance of friendship. Modern psychology also recognizes the significant role that friendships play in our lives. Christian psychologist John Townsend states:

“The reality is also that we need more than one person to enhance the quality of our life and relationships. Different friends have different strengths that bring out different qualities. Variety helps. It is a good thing to be able to call several people ‘my best friends,’ and it is a good goal to move toward.”

“A friendship should add great things to your life: trust, companionship, and shared experiences, for example. But it will also cost you something: time, energy, and commitment.”

“Best friendship is when you hand over the key to the vault. That is, you let the person know you at the deepest and most vulnerable level. You invite them in to what is most important to you, your Dreams, Vision for Life, Feelings, Core values, Strengths, Hurts, Secrets, Sins, Mistakes, Past, Heartaches. These are not easy things to let others in on. But they are essential for having close friends. Handing over the key to the vault means you are saying, in essence, I entrust you with myself. Be safe for me and also help me be a better person.”

This understanding of friendship coincides with the wisdom found in the Book of Sirach:

“A faithful friend is a strong shelter, and whoever has found one has found a treasure. Nothing is comparable to a faithful friend, and no weight of silver or gold is worth more than the goodness of his fidelity. A faithful friend is a medicine for life and immortality; and those who fear the Lord will find one. He who fears God will have a similar good friendship, because his friend will be like him.” (Sirach 6:14–17)

Both modern psychology and Scripture point to the importance of friendship in our lives. Our friendships can shape our values, strengthen us in times of difficulty, and help us remain steadfast in the faith.

One psychologist described a healthy family as having an “irrational commitment to the well-being of its members.” In other words, I’m all in. I care deeply about who you are becoming, and I’m committed to helping you become healthy and whole.

This idea can also shape the way we understand Christian friendship. Real friendship is more than simply enjoying one another’s company. It requires a willingness to serve one another, to be present through difficult seasons, and to remain committed to each other’s well-being.

Sometimes, God places people in our lives who help bring healing. People who are willing to walk with us through the messy parts, encourage us, correct us with love, and point us back to Christ.

And the question goes both ways:

Do you have friends who are willing to help you heal? And are you willing to help heal others?

A true friend does not simply walk alongside us—they help pick us up when we fall and encourage us to draw closer to Christ. Through these relationships, we can remain rooted in Him through every season and every struggle.

This does not mean our friends will be perfect, or that we will always know exactly what to say or do. Rather, godly friendship means being willing to love someone through their imperfections while encouraging them toward truth, healing, and holiness.

When choosing our friendships, we can ask ourselves: Is this person helping me live my eternal life? Are we pointing one another back to Christ? Are we helping each other remain rooted in Him, even when life gets messy?

And just as we consider what we should look for in a friend, we should also consider the kind of friend we are becoming.

Let us strive to cultivate friendships that reflect Christ’s love, learning what true love looks like from Love Himself.

Sometimes, we simply need a reminder in front of us of what God calls us to be.

Our Godly Friendships Poster was created to keep those reminders in front of you—to encourage Christ-centered friendships and serve as a meaningful gift for someone who has been a faithful friend to you. 🤍